Avina Banu's Beautiful World

It's 8:44am, I'm sitting in the medical lab to get my diabetes blood test done for our little boy who will be here in 13 weeks inshallah. I'm exactly 27 weeks pregnant today. Life has been full. Avina is 5 months short of 3 years old. She's wonderful, vibrant, energetic and do loving. She's so kind and so understanding for her age. I worry that I am enjoying the moments to the fullest, I wish I could stare at her every move every second of every day. Maybe that will make me miss these days less in the future? I don't know. She comes up to my stomach and kisses it and hugs if and says "aw baby brother." When she was a bit younger she bumped into my stomach and said "sorry baby, what's your name?" It made me and Maysam burst into laughter. Life is okay otherwise, it's busy and chaotic sometimes. It's hard to believe that in a matter of few months we'll family of 4. A girl and a boy. Didn't picture it this way, but it's amazing now that I can't picture any other way. We are contemplating names, first we thought Avash, then Aidin and now we are thinking of Aria. We'll see, we might change our minds again. Where am I in life and how am I doing? I'm turning 30 years old in couple months, stopped working as a dental assistant, doing my last month of school for social work and waiting for baby number 2. Life is in transition, it's a good place to be in. I'm learning to enjoy life in transition, and enjoying the journey. I fell as I'm getting older I am learning to become less of a worry wart, if doesn't come natural to me. I keep reminding myself that all those times I have worried it has me never served me, so why continue? It would make me really happy if the last few months of my 20's I learn to express how I feel about my family and be expressive in my emotions of kindness and love in warm manner. Why is it so hard for me to do? Why does it feel like I am getting my tongue twisted? It's not that I don't care of love them deeply, but saying it makes me want to melt, I feel shy and embarrassed. It's that bizzare? It's something I need to grow out of. If I get over that hump I can only imagine the joy and laughter and love that would flourish in our home. Anyway I'm tired of sitting in the lab, I have to wait another 30 mins to get my blood drawn to get my blood tested then I'm done with all the tests hopefully for this pregnancy. Talk to you soon, and my kids, if you read this blog someday, know that I love you both with every fiber of my being and I'd anything for any of you. Maryam